Batting One Thousand

Sometimes I feel impressed with myself when doing something particularly clever. Friday I manipulated a found hair pin into a perfect example of minimal engineering in order to keep my wandering zipper from incessantly trying to leave me exposed. I was indeed fairly happy with myself. The inner warmth that my ingenuity stoked fell away quickly. Later that day, actually.
The headstock of my borrowed Epiphone Les Paul was pressed against the front top corner of my borrowed Peavey tweed tube combo amplifier. Doing this induces feedback in a way that I can control. Ideally a smooth tone rather than a high pitched squeal. I have done this for years. Being a big fan of feedback(and not a very talented guitarist) I learned the little tricks and peculiarities of different guitars, amps and effects and how to best get them to soar all together, peaks and valleys. Waves of waves. Frankly, I was kicking ass. Missed a couple chords but no big deal. Just as I was to return to the microphone to scream “Yeah!” my balance was compromised by awkward feet and slightly pixilated ambition. On the outside remaining confident and in charge of the situation but on the inside a flurry of panic and middle school physical science textbook illustrations of kinetic energy, force, fulcrums, levers and balance as the amp gently tipped back. An unfortunate idea then struck me to use the headstock of the guitar to catch the falling amp bringing it back to rest in its natural position. How cool would that be if I had pulled it off? I should practice that in the mirror along with my leg kicks and jumps.

The reverb springs screamed out a tangled chime and I felt my cheeks warm and turn red the instant the frame of the heavy tube amp hit the stage. I did it again. One catastrophe per show, I guess. Immediately we get the amp back up. I spend the rest of the song singing my parts pretending to play my now horribly out of tune guitar. I could not even look at anyone. We all knew I just messed up good. We tried to use the bass tuner as quickly as possible but it was not cooperating so I hastily tuned it by ear off the bass. Which I think was also out of tune since now instead of the three higher strings being out now all six strings were tuned about a half step too sharp.

One song left. This was the new song that I was really excited about. The melodies I wrote for it are pretty good. I am really happy with the song. So it makes me upset that I could not play what I had orchestrated. It was the song I was most confident in and that confidence had now been pushed over by some idiot with a guitar. I wanted to scream.